MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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