hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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