also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
