I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
