I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
