dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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