i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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