it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
