dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
