no, he came in my armpit
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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