me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Randomize
