hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
