cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
