i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
