his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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