I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
