problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
