Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
