I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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