Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
