I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
