She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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