THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
