you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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