In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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