what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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