Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
