You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
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I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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