About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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