so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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