My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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