where am i from again
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
