I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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