hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
