I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
my liver is dry heaving
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
