I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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