I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
