the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
