"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
How does one acquire holy water?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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