i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
