ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm eating all of the evidence.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Randomize
