I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
