idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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