Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
