so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
