WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just pee around me
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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