East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I am one with the molecules
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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