We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Farmville is her only friend.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
