A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
