he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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