i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
