Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
