I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
