Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Blood and glitter go together right?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
