Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
