I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
