That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
