the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
