Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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