She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
