that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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