I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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