i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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