You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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