I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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