Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
