you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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