Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
People in love make me want to vomit
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
