they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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