I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
