OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
