i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
