she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
