My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Can you bring me the toilet please
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
