u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
