On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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