My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
